Self Pleasure Isn’t Just for Singles-Reframing Masturbation as a Relationship-Enhancing Practice

Masturbation has long been misunderstood, often seen as a backup plan for when partnered sex isn’t available. But the reality is quite the opposite: research shows that women in relationships masturbate more than single women, and self-pleasure plays a crucial role in sexual well-being, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction.

Far from being a sign of sexual dissatisfaction, masturbation can actually enhance your relationship by improving communication, increasing libido, and helping you cultivate a deeper connection with your body and desires.

One of the best ways to explore self-pleasure is through the use of body-safe tools, toys and pleasure wands,  designed to enhance solo and partnered intimacy. Whether you’re using a visually stunning crystal pleasure wand for deep, intentional exploration or a glass pleasure wand for temperature play, these tools can elevate your experience and help you connect with your pleasure on a whole new level.

Let’s break down why self-pleasure isn’t just for singles—and why embracing it can lead to better sex, deeper intimacy, and a more fulfilling connection with yourself and your partner.

The Science: Women in Relationships Masturbate More

Many assume that the need to masturbate declines in long-term relationships, but studies consistently show the opposite. Research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that partnered women self pleasure more frequently than their single counterparts. Another study in The Journal of Sex Research found that women in long-term relationships use masturbation as a way to maintain sexual desire and enhance intimacy.

So why do women in relationships masturbate more? Because sexual satisfaction isn’t just about being with a partner—it’s about maintaining a strong, personal connection to your own pleasure. Self-pleasure is not a replacement for partner sex—it’s a way to stay connected to your body, desires, and arousal, which can improve the quality of partnered intimacy.

How Masturbation Benefits You & Your Relationship

1. Improves Your Sex Life with Your Partner

Understanding your own body is the key to a fulfilling sex life. When you explore what feels good on your own, you become more confident in expressing those desires with a partner.

Masturbation allows you to:

• Explore your body in a relaxed, pressure-free setting
• Discover what kinds of touch, pressure, and rhythm feel best
• Learn how to guide your partner with confidence

When you understand your own pleasure, you can share that knowledge with your partner, making sex more satisfying for both of you.

Incorporating a non-vibrating pleasure wand into your mindful self-pleasure routine can deepen this understanding. Pleasure wands can help with internal massage and deepening vaginal sensitivity, while glass pleasure wands allow for temperature play and a different range of sensations.

A 2016 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women who regularly engage in self-pleasure report higher levels of sexual satisfaction in their relationships. Knowing your own pleasure doesn’t take away from partnered sex—it enhances it.

2. Strengthens the Mind-Body Connection

Masturbation isn’t just about orgasm; it’s a powerful way to reconnect with your body. Studies suggest that regular self-pleasure helps women feel more comfortable and confident in their skin, leading to a better overall relationship with their eroticism and sexuality.

Using toys or pleasure wands regularly can help by:

• Enhancing body awareness and relaxation
• Increasing pelvic floor strength and circulation
• Encouraging mindful pleasure and stress relief

By taking time to focus on your pleasure, you develop a deeper sense of self-trust and confidence that translates into a more fulfilling sex life.

3. Reduces Stress & Enhances Well-Being

Long-term relationships come with their share of stressors, from work to family responsibilities. Masturbation is a natural stress reliever that helps balance emotions and create a sense of relaxation.

Orgasms release a combination of endorphins, oxytocin, and prolactin, all of which have been linked to stress relief and emotional well-being. Research has also found that sexual activity—including masturbation—can help lower cortisol levels, the body's primary stress hormone.

4. Increases Libido and Desire

It’s a myth that masturbating too often will make you less interested in partner sex. In reality, regular self-pleasure can increase your desire.

Engaging with your own pleasure keeps sexual energy alive, even during times when external stressors (work, family, mental load) might otherwise cause desire to fade. Masturbation stimulates blood flow, engages arousal pathways in the brain, and helps keep sexual energy an active part of your life.

For women in long-term relationships, this is especially important. Research shows that women’s sexual desire tends to decline over time in monogamous relationships. Regular self-pleasure can help counteract this, ensuring that sexual intimacy remains a priority rather than something that falls to the bottom of the to-do list.

5. Helps With Sexual Confidence and Comfort

For many women, sexual confidence doesn’t come naturally—it’s built over time through experience, self-awareness, and practice.

Masturbation helps with:

• Feeling more at home in your body
• Reducing performance anxiety during partner sex
• Creating a deeper sense of relaxation and enjoyment

When you’re comfortable with your own pleasure, you bring that confidence into your relationship. Instead of worrying about whether you’ll orgasm or whether you’re “doing it right,” you can be present and enjoy the experience.

6. Reduces Pressure on Partnered Sex

Many couples experience mismatched libidos at some point in their relationship. One partner might want sex more frequently, while the other goes through a period of lower desire.

Masturbation allows you to:

• Fulfill your sexual needs without relying entirely on your partner
• Reduce pressure on both sides when libido differences arise
• Keep sexual frustration from building up and leading to resentment

Rather than seeing self-pleasure as something separate from your relationship, it can be embraced as a normal and healthy part of your overall sexual well-being.

Reframing Masturbation as a Relationship-Enhancing Practice

It’s time to shift the outdated belief that masturbation is only for those who are single or unsatisfied. In reality, it’s a key part of a healthy, fulfilling sex life—whether you’re in a relationship or not.

By prioritizing your own pleasure, you create a more open, confident, and connected sexual dynamic with your partner. Instead of seeing self-pleasure as something separate from your relationship, embrace it as a way to keep desire, curiosity, and intimacy alive.

Adding a pleasure wand to your routine can elevate your experience, helping you cultivate a deeper relationship with your body and pleasure. Whether you prefer a crystal pleasure wand for intentional, healing pleasure or a glass pleasure wand for intense, temperature-based stimulation, there’s a perfect tool to enhance your self-care practice.

This Valentine’s Day (or any day), we encourage you to give yourself the gift of guilt-free, empowered pleasure. Your relationship—and your body—will thank you for it.