From Then to Now: Women Share How Their Sexuality Has Evolved Over Time

We asked our female followers to reflect on how their sexuality has evolved from their younger years to the present. What are the key differences, if any, between their earlier sexual selves and who they are today? Below, we’ve selected some of their  responses for you to explore.

"I feel like I bloomed sexually and now I’m aware of my sexuality, before I would own and let my sexuality manifest itself unconsciously now I’m consciously owning it  and I’m aware that I’m letting my sexuality manifest itself."

"Now I'm less concerned about what others think. But I feel like I don't have the same confidence in my body. I know more about myself, others and sex in general."

"I know what I like, what I’m neutral about and what is an absolute No.
I’m confident in asking for what I want, in an authentic, sexy way."

"I’m clear about my boundaries and if I discover new ones, I have the vocabulary to bring it up and ask for what I need."

"I have experienced the orgasmic power of merging sex and spirit in ways that my younger self never knew was possible. I love exploring this!" 

"I could sense then how important self pleasure was although now I make pleasure dates with myself and carve out time to explore erotically."

"I'm content to stop during sex if something comes up for me, or I need to express myself or don't feel comfortable continuing."

"I was more experimental when I was younger. Now I’m way less. Also I dare less. I used to not care about having sex outside and the possibility of getting caught. Now I can already worry if the neighbors hear me. Also my libido has gone down a bit. I think that’s to do because me and my partner don’t match completely when It comes to sex."

"I'm much more confident with my body, and I also know my body much better (mainly thanks to pregnancy ). I feel much more wild and free than my younger self (I'm 40yo)."

"The main difference is that now I don't settle. I seek my own pleasure in equal measure to the pleasure I give."

"Main differences are that I know my body and what I like and where I want to be touched much better. I’m more open to experimenting with things and it’s fun to see how that has changed over time and that I now could see myself exploring almost anything sexually with the right person."

"I am more involved now- I like to be more of an active participant now."

"Talking about it with my partner and trying new things, step by step. Building trust so I feel more comfortable to say what I want. Looking things up, trying new toys." 

"Libido was free when I was young.
Now, it's something to be nurtured, honored and cared for."

"The change is certainly for the best, I know my body way better, I don't think of masturbation as just a substitute for partnered sex. But I don't faint when I orgasm anymore :))"

"The mental piece has to be attracted and connected first. I also do a TON more self pleasure."

"I can now accept my body and let myself feel more. Before I was so self conscious about the way I look that it was hard to enjoy sex."

"Before, it was a performance. Do I look good, is this how it should be, the penetration is the main thing. I didn't even go after my own orgasms. Now, I focus on myself a lot more. I want to feel good and I want to enjoy it. I want a lot more touching and connection. I want it to feel like a sacred ritual."

"More liberated. I grew up in the “purity culture” of evangelical Christians. I had a vibrator once and in a fit of “I’m going to hell for liking this” I threw it away. Took me a few years to reinvest into some time and toys for myself. "

"I know what I enjoy and I'm committed and take responsibility for understanding and receiving pleasure." 

"My younger self was more focused on performing and following a script. I felt there was something wrong with me for being unable to orgasm just from penetration. Now, I don't feel like I follow a script, I try to break free from the things I learned about sex and just be there and enjoy the ride. And oh, boy, what a ride it's been." 

"I am so much more confident. Making it a more important thing in our relationship."

"Using sex to determine my worth and feel wanted, vs. seeing sex as a playground and way to connect to a partner. My view of sex is way less linear now."

"I am FREE!  I can explore, learn, and have fun.  I know everyone is different, and I will never judge anyone on "their things".

"There are a lot of differences! I didn’t really know what I was doing when I was younger, to be honest. Just followed my instincts. Had a lot of sex that left me feeling empty and created numbness in my body. My first sexual experience was with an older guy who was already in a relationship, that theme of betrayal/cheating has followed me until recently. I am only now (I am in my late 30’s) learning what I actually like and want, to speak up and ask for my needs met.

"So many differences! The younger me grew up learning sex is only ok within marriage and masturbation is shameful. These are things I am still trying to unlearn. I have grown in many ways though and am able to express my desires more easily now that I have learned more about what feels good for me."

"There are somethings that I did and I won't and never wanna do again:
Not caring about my own desire and pleasures and comfort in sex,
Caring more about pleasing my sexual partner and giving them what they want even if it would hurt me physically or emotionally,
Not caring about my feelings and what I'm sensing in sex,
Not saying no when I'm not in the mood or uncomfortable,
enduring physical pain that has no pleasure for me
Continuing my sexual relationship with a partner that isn't sexually compatible and doesn't care about my needs and only care about themselves."

"I am much more open, going this road of acceptance and trust and speaking up (still learning though), I know much more of my body now (pleasure spots, numb spots etc.), feeling and being freer with my partner. I see my body differently, I love it more than before."

"I have to laugh actually, there are so many differences. I used to think I am not able to orgasm with a man, which is quite funny considering that now I can have as many to the point I even faint (which is of course no longer enjoyable). Although without them I still enjoyed sex very much because I did not know it can be so much better, not that it is just about orgasms but I am able to have them because of the connection that now is crucial to me. I am more open to trying new things and I am no longer into feelingless sex."

"Onna toys/account changed my sex life, along with following other incredible sex-positive accounts. Removing guilt and shame from sexual desire and from masturbation and pleasure was a complete game changer for me, as well."

"Meeting and loving and respecting myself. Freeing myself from any expectation and just exploring what I myself truly wanted. Forgiving myself for any shame for wanting what I wanted. Meeting someone that I was actually sexually and emotionally compatible with, it showed me what Sex can be and that my fantasies don’t have to stay fantasies."

"My younger self was very self conscious. It kept me from feeling totally free when having sex. Now I'm older (40+), I know this is what you get and deal with it. This is me and I really like myself. If the guy you're having sex with is not on the same page as you are, if there's a slight feeling you can't be yourself with him, then it's a waste of time. You're there for yourself and for nobody else."

"My younger self definitely put my pleasure into others’ hands hoping they would make me ‘feel good’. My more mature self now understands that my pleasure is ALWAYS my responsibility, and that if I don’t have a good relationship with my body and thoughts, that no degree of sexual practices will ‘awaken’ a dormant life. It is an inside out process."