ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, PREMATURE EJACULATION AND MORE: INTERVIEW WITH SEX EDUCATOR MELISSA LOUISE
Melissa Louise from The Pleasure Studio teaches people how to strengthen their relationship with themselves, their partners, and improve their life by mastering their sexuality. She supports clients on how to have sexual confidence in and out of bed, with or without a relationship; men, women, couples, and everyone between.
I had the pleasure of asking her a few questions about her work with men. These are super confusing and challenging times for men, probably even more so than for women as they are not getting as much support in sexual education as women are these days. Additionally, it may be more challenging for men to ask for help when it comes to their sexuality and love.
We talked about some of the main issues men struggle with sexually: erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, inability to orgasm and more.
CAN YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY? HOW DID YOU START WITH COACHING AND WHAT INSPIRED YOU?
My journey to get where I am today being able to speak freely and confidently about sex and sexuality basically meant if I was unable to shift the shame, guilt, and fear of being a sexually alive woman then it would actually mean death to me.
With a history of sexual, alcohol, and drug abuse I had known the fear of men and the abandonment of women throughout it all.
Everything kept coming back to not feeling ok with my own self in my own body and sexuality. My absolute being as a woman.
After the birth of my child, I knew that I could not raise him with the same attitudes I was from family, religion, and society.
WHAT DO YOU LOVE THE MOST ABOUT WHAT YOU DO?
I get to talk about all the things that most people WISH they were talking more about. Seeing clients hand back to themselves their own permission to own their birthright of pleasure and sexuality. Seeing them become so confident in the area that they have often felt shame, guilt, and fear. This brings tears to my eyes.
When I see a well-fucked woman walk into my local cafe knowing that her partner has done the homework I assigned him....this is absolute gold. There is nothing more Radiant than a Well Fucked Woman. And I get to go ... "I did that !!"
HOW IS COACHING MEN DIFFERENT FROM COACHING WOMEN. HOW DO THEIR NEEDS DIFFER?WHAT DO YOU LOVE THE MOST ABOUT WHAT YOU DO?
Both men and women suffer from deep guilt and shame of their sexual bodies. We are all suffering basically from all the same insecurities and just not really talking about it.With men, I am often supporting them to find the confidence to occupy their true masculine nature which has been emasculated. Giving them permission to take charge and view their Cock and cock energy as life-giving energy for their own bodies and business as well as in sex. Supporting them to use this for their own life. Not just sex. To keep on masturbating a lot but just not ejaculating so much.
With women it is often encouraging them to masturbate a hell of a lot more..to shift the guilt from feeling there is something wrong with it to using masturbation for all aspects of their life also.
There is a connection to the needs of men and women. Women need to trust how long it does actually take for them to be ready for penetration and the men need to master their arousal and sexual energy so they are not "having" to penetrate so early...I teach men to be the pillar of strength and vitality and the women to be the receptive wild surrendered one.
CAN YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT WHAT KIND OF PROBLEMS MEN USUALLY STRUGGLE WITH WHEN THEY SEEK YOUR HELP?
Many men are afraid to take control. To occupy their true masculine power. I work with men to truly occupy and see how this power is beautiful, not frightening, and damaging as it is presented in our culture.
Many men lack the confidence to go for what they want because they can not last as long as they would like. I teach men how to masturbate really really well so they can fuck really really well. How to master their ejaculation.
Men are also often lost in their mission in life. The work I do through sex coaching helps with that. I teach men how to use sex magic to create the life they want.
YOUR THOUGHTS ON ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
I see erectile dysfunction as social dysfunction. When a man is shrunk away from his own life, not occupying his true mission and keeps on receiving messages that he is dangerous as a man then he will automatically shrink away from his cock, sex, and power in choosing when to ejaculate.
Erectile dysfunction has a large connection to happiness and confidence in life. it is all hand in hand. And often there are issues, unsaid anger, buried depression about life, and incidents that are involved.
Erectile dysfunction is a physical response to emotional wounds. One of these emotional wounds is how men are using porn to excess and creating a complete disconnect to real life and entertainment. When men choose to stay in the entertainment world their ejaculation lacks the conviction of power as it is taught to have a quick response to the slightest of stimulation.
NO.1 THING WOMEN OR ANYONE WHO LOVES MEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MALE SEXUAL HEALTH.
To have Eroticism you need Polarity.
WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE FOR MEN THAT STRUGGLE WITH PREMATURE EJACULATION?
Don't give up masturbation!!! learn to masturbate well. Learn to master your masturbation.
I call it wank gym! Learn how to love your cock and cultivate a positive relationship with it. The more you shy away from him the more he will "let you down". But he is not. He is telling you something right now. How you show up in bed is how you show up in life.
WHAT WOULD YOU ADVISE MEN WHO HAVE DIFFICULTIES ORGASMING DURING PENETRATION AND OTHER WAYS THAN BY THEIR OWN HAND?
Often we believe the issues are physical. When there is an inability to orgasm it is often deeply rooted in lack of communication and absolute truth-telling. To oneself and to our lovers. We as humans are taught to live off of assumptions and withholding. All of this creates havoc in the body. So this to me is a true sign of LET'S GET FUCKIGN HONEST about what is really going on.
WHAT WOULD BE YOUR NUMBER ONE ADVICE FOR COUPLES WITH MISMATCHED LIBIDOS?
It is not so much about mismatched libidos...it is about assumptions. We all need to look at brakes and accelerators to sex, what is going on in our external lives, the real conversations what does and does not work and POLARITY. Truth-telling and making a commitment to what it is you TRULY want in a relationship. The libido is a barometer.
BEST TIP FOR DEEPENING INTIMACY BETWEEN A COUPLE? ANY SIMPLE PRACTICES YOU WOULD RECOMMEND?
Best Tip ....is bringing back Polarity. It is essential for eroticism. Telling the truth. Eye gazing. Find ways to miss one another and have a at least one 3 hour sex date a week.
NOW, LET'S GET MORE PERSONAL. WHAT WOULD A DAY OF PLEASURE LOOK LIKE FOR YOU?
Here goes. Waking up to a gorgeous erect cock next to me and having the opportunity to deep throat its glory. Then suck my coffee off of it. I would then wander down to the ocean not far from my house and go for an ocean swim. Once home I would laze about in my silk kimono and Drink fresh coconut water and cacao drinks. I would get to watch said cock owner open coconuts with a machete.
There would be a lot of erotic play during the day as we went about or 3D stuff , enticing one another to be giving and receiving a truckload of felatio. My personal masseuse would arrive in the late afternoon and then I would dress in skinny black jeans, a great top, and gorgeous heels, and be taken out dinner where we drank great spicy cocktails and kept meeting each other in the sexy bathrooms for sex play....
By the time we get home, we are fucking each other wide open. Rinse and repeat. Any hand feeding of chocolate can be dabbled within this day also.
WHAT IS SENSUALITY FOR YOU AND HOW DO YOU EMBODY IT?
Sensuality is a way of being. It is allowing your desires and Pleasure to be your true north. Choosing pleasure in your clothing, your work, your food, and with whom you spend time with and in what you do.
Sensuality is laughing out loud and fully occupying your sexual, wild, and free self. Your true nature. I say YES to myself. I do what is a FUCK yes. I do what is pleasurable for me, not what is supposedly expected of me to fit a norm. I laugh without constraint and wear what I want when I want. Which is often not much.
IF YOU COULD GIVE JUST ONE PIECE OF ADVICE TO WOMEN ON SEX AND DESIRE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
You are not broken. Find your no and that will lead you to your hell yes. When you are with your partner, you do not need to be in your masculine energy...it is required you drop in your feminine. This creates eroticism and desire. Being in constant control does not.
YOUR BEST ADVICE ON HOW TO ATTRACT A HIGH-QUALITY PARTNER?
Ladies, Know what you truly want. Have good boundaries about who you let into your life and cultivate your own sexual energy...it is not up to them. The higher you vibrate the better you will attract. And understand there is an abundance of people out there... Don't view everyone as a potential stayer and the one.... each encounter is a discovery of how to do things and receive better. We are all learning and discovering..so do everything with an open heart. strong center and integrity.
THREE FAVOURITE BOOKS/RESOURCES ABOUT SEX/INTIMACY?
The Queens Code by Alison Armstrong
CAN YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT THE WORKSHOPS YOU OFFER AND WHO THEY ARE FOR?
I offer workshops for men, women, and couples.
For women, I teach Cock Worship which is a live demo. I hold women's circles here in Puerto Escondido (in Mexico) where we create a safe space for women to fully share from their hearts.
For men, I hold workshops online where I support them to occupy their sexual energy. Giving them the confidence to love their sexuality and cock.
Also here in Puerto, I hold Cacao Ceremonies. These are an Awakening the Senses experience which I have been told changes lives! Cacao is so playful and I love working with the plant.
More than workshops I support people through one on one coaching. I am also currently writing my first all men's course and all women's course. Stay tuned.
Read more about Melissa and her work HERE
